French Restaurant tips, and the Paleo Diet

How to Order at a French Restaurant Without Sounding Dumb (or Pretentious)

There's something about French restaurants that immediately conjures an image of a snotty, extremely expensive bistro where your waiter sneers, just waiting for you to mispronounce something. While this is certainly accurate in some cases, the truth is that French food, like any cuisine, is extremely varied in taste, price, and regional differences. From French cafes to casual bistros, there's a world of more casual, wallet friendly options in addition to traditional high-end cuisine.

The reason French restaurants in general make such great date spots is that the French put such an emphasis on the meal. A traditional French repas is usually divided up into four or five parts: the appetizer, the main course, the cheese plate, the dessert, and of course, the wine. The important thing is not to rush: whether you order one plate or five, take the time to enjoy the food, the wine, and the company. French restaurants are practically made for lingering. A good date is therefore easily extended, past dessert and onto coffee, then followed by an apertif, etc, etc...

Of course, because the French take their food so seriously, and foodies take French food so seriously, some basic vocabulary knowledge is good to have.

The "eu" sound, in oeuf, boeuf bourgignon, and d'heuvre is pronounced with the same vowel sound we use in words like "uhm" or "uh". Consonants at the end of words aren't altogether dropped, as some assume, but they're definitely not stressed. "Ls", like the ones in bouillabaisse or sommelier are usually pronounced softly, more like the English "y."

But what matters most of all, in ordering French food, is trying: take a stab at pronouncing and go for it. People will appreciate your effort, and anyone who dares correct you (especially on a date!) is not worth your time.

A Brasserie

Bra-ser-ee. Not "brassiere." Honest mistake, but try to leave undergarments out of your first date conversation.

"Maitre" Doesn't Rhyme With "Waiter"

Thank goodness maitre d's have gone out of fashion in the past few years, because this is a tricky one to navigate in terms of pronunciation/pretentiousness. In French, maitre d' means "master of --", which is shortened from "master of hotel/restuarant/the world. (So, the head waiter/restaurant manager of, say, Applebees, would be "Maitre D'Applebees.") In French, this is pronounced "meh-treh deh", but in English it's been colloquially butchered to "Mayder Dee", which is awful, but not nearly as awful as showing up at a restaurant and demanding to speak to the "mehtreh deh".

Few restaurants have maitre d's these days, but when faced this one, you can easily sidestep the whole problem by simply saying "the restaurant manager" or "the host".

Hors d'oeuvre: Not "Orderves"

For some reason, the common English pronunciation of this switches order of the "v" and the "r" in the word. So it's not "orDERVEs", but rather "orDEVREs"s.


Crepes: "Crehp"

Pronouncing this word correctly is like walking a tightrope. If you go too hard on the vowel, you'll end up incorrectly pronouncing it "craype" (like the paper). Too soft on the vowel, and you end up saying "crap", which is pretty darn unappetizing.

It's "crehp", with the same vowel sound you make with "meh."

Crepes, by the way, are a delicious and light dish which can be prepared either savory or sweet. Probably not something you'd order as a main dish at dinner, but a perfect lunch item. As for dessert, they're of course delicious when prepared with ingredients such as chocolate or nutella (what isn't delicious when made with nutella?), but may be best in the original "au sucre" form, with just lemon and sugar.


Au Jus: Oh, Joo!

Au jus has such a disgusting definition for such a delicious thing: it basically means something that is cooked/served in its own juices.

Anyway, this is sometimes confusing because it means "juice" and it isn't too much of a stretch to interpret the spelling as "juice". Alas, the term is actually pronounced "oh joos." No risk of sounding pretentious saying it that way: it's of French provenance but a common English expression, too.

We Are The Champignons

If you pronounced this word as it is written, you'd probably end up ordering something like "Champ-pig-nons." The French word for mushroom is, however, "sham-pee-gnon."

Vichyssoise: Vee-She-Swahz

Vichyssoise is a soup made from leeks, onions, potatoes, chicken stock, and, most importantly, cream. Julia Child claims that this "French" dish is actually an American invention, which means you can pretty damn well pronounce it however you want. BUT, for the sake of erudition: vee-she-swahz.

Sommelier

While most people say "Soh-MAH-Lee-Ay", the term is actually "SEHM-eh-yay." In French the "l" is silent, but you can bring it back if you're worried about sounding too tres: Seh-Mel-yay.

Coq Au Vin: Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter

If the thought of awkward mispronunciations makes you want to avoid this dish at all costs, don't worry: it's actually pronounced more like a short "kok" (not "cawk"): kok-oh-van (without going too hard on the "n").

A Macaron Is Not A Macaroon

Macarons are starting to be as popular as cupcakes were a few years ago: they're chic, pretty to look at, and come in a seemingly endless variety of flavors. However, these sweet almond confections are not to be confused (or pronounced like!) macaroons, which are meringue-like cookies of Italian descent. The French treat is pronounced "mah-cah-rohn."

Profiteroles

In French, profiteroles are pronounced "pro-fee-trolls," with an emphasis on the last syllable. However, this dish is common enough in the US that it's perfectly acceptable to pronounce every syllable in the American way: pro-fee-ter-oles.


The Croissant/Kwa-ssan Debate

The croissant, while obviously French in origin, is now sold at every bakery, Starbucks and 7-11 in the country. Because of this, it's completely fine to pronounce this "cruh-sahnt". Yep, in French, it's "kwa-ssant", and if you're completely committed to sticking to this pronunciation, then go right ahead, but if you ever fault someone for saying it the English (normal) way, you're going to come off as insufferable.

On a different note, what in America is usually referred to (logically) as a chocolate croissant is sometimes billed as "pain au chocolat". (Look for the square shape.) This is pronounced pan-o-sho-ko-lah.

The Paleo Diet: Why Cavemen Do It Better

If the lure of living in simpler, lower-tech times has ever intrigued you, the Paleolithic-or "Paleo" for short- diet may just be for you. This trendy eating pattern focuses on foods that made up the human diet in pre-agricultural times, consumed as close to their natural state as possible. "Going Paleo" is built on the belief that modern day processed foods and artificial additives are incompatible with human biology, making it difficult to properly digest them. Some athletes believe this diet is the secret to optimizing athletic performance, while other proponents claim it eliminates "foreign proteins" that cause modern day ailments such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, Alzheimer's disease, obesity, cancer, arthritis, and gastrointestinal disorders.

Foods considered to be Paleolithic are meat, fish, shellfish, eggs, tree nuts, vegetables, root vegetables, fruit, and berries. So-called "Neolithic foods," or foods that require processing, are not allowed. These foods include grains, dairy, salt, beans/legumes, potatoes, sugar, and refined, factory-made foods. (Interestingly, however, a recent study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reported that archaeological evidence suggests Paleolithic Europeans did indeed eat an early form of bread based on processed root vegetable 'flour.')

For someone on a Paleolithic diet, ideal proteins consist of organ meats, wild-caught fish and grass-fed meat. Organic fruits and vegetables are preferred over conventionally-grown ones so as to avoid modern pollutants. Fats are primarily derived from fruits or tree nuts. Water is the only true Paleolithic beverage; however coconut water would also technically fit the bill. For Paleo dieters thirsting for an afternoon cocktail, drinks derived from fermented fruit would be the only acceptable option. Interestingly, coffee does not count as a Paleo-friendly beverage, since coffee is a bean and needs to undergo processing before it can be enjoyed.

From a nutritionist's standpoint, someone living on a diet high in fast food and refined carbohydrates would certainly benefit from cleaning up their diet by emphasizing more unprocessed and natural foods like those that comprise the Paleo diet. After all, there's no shortage of research to implicate modern "Western diets" as a key factor in a host of chronic diseases. On the other hand, following the Paleo diet stringently means avoiding many incredibly healthy foods such as legumes, whole grains, and low-fat dairy which provide essential nutrients like fiber, antioxidants, vitamin D, and calcium. People who have committed to going Paleo are well-advised to consult with a registered dietitian to ensure they're meeting all of their dietary needs within the context of the diet's parameters.

Another critique of this diet is the time element. Since the focal point of eating Paleo is food in its more natural form, it means giving up convenience foods that cut time and energy out of food preparation. For example, a Paleo eater could not just grab a yogurt, make a sandwich, bake a potato, boil some pasta, or open a can of tomato sauce to ease meal prep- much less eat out at most restaurants. Following this diet would take a lot of foresight, planning, and preparing-particularly to ensure you're meeting your nutrient needs- which can make it a more challenging way to eat.

If the principles behind going Paleo appeal to you but you're not willing to commit to the drastic lifestyle change it entails, why not draw inspiration from it rather than going full throttle? You could start by eliminating sources of refined flour and sugar in your diet, like white breads, cereals made from refined grains, cookies, cakes, and sweeteners. Then, you might consider upping your daily quota of fresh fruits and vegetables, choosing organic varieties whenever possible.

Life may have been much less complex for cavemen, but they had a lot more time to devote to hunting and gathering food than most modern working families do.